Park Peril (of the Toddler Variety)

I had big plans for my mega millions winnings, had I actually won.  Well, let’s be honest...had I won the jackpot, I probably wouldn’t be writing about it. Instead, I’d be buying crazy things like jet skis and Vespas and hiring private trainers and chefs.

But I’d like to think I would still be somewhat charitable and would fund the project that I believe is most necessary to the survival of moms everywhere: FENCED-IN PLAYGROUNDS.

Let me back up and explain. First, I haven’t blogged in what feels like forever because we were decimated by winter viruses in my home. Quite frankly, it became tedious to talk about the latest illness and our umpteenth doctor’s visit with family and friends, so I certainly didn’t want to bore the masses. There was a stretch in there where we visited our clinic 8 times in 3 weeks. Another high point was bringing both boys to urgent care on a Sunday at different times during the day. We experienced RSV, croup, two rounds of stomach bugs, multiple double ear infections, several asthma flare-ups, and a fun bout with thrush.

I came away with two important thoughts: 1) I really should go back to school to become a pediatric nurse (and if I’ve said this before, then I definitely need to start the application process), and 2) My kids will never miss a day of school once they start kindergarten because their immunity will be so awesome (In my fantasy, their time at school is when I enjoy a latte after a morning at the gym. However, my husband has deigned to enlighten me that this is the point in life when I will be returning to a job that provides a paycheck. Luckily, I have a few years to sort that and him out.)

If you’re thinking that I should also have determined that I may have slightly sickly kids, well I have thought about it and have chosen to ignore such an idea until the snow falls again.

I couldn’t have been more thrilled when the weather turned so beautiful and warm, despite my nagging concerns about climate change. "Out, damned illness," I thought. I believed the sunshine would provide us with much-needed vitamin D and that the fresh air would rid my house of nasty germs. Plus, it would make everyone happier in general.

What I forgot to think about was the ramifications of bringing a 1-year old and 2-year old into the great outdoors.  

My time outside now follows a few predictable scenarios:

Situation A: Sarah spots Auggie while he climbs a 7 foot rung ladder. Sarah looks down to find that Harry has spit out his nuk and is now about to swallow a rock. Sarah makes quick decision to pull rock out of Harry’s mouth and explain that while the nuk may impede his language development, its presence is necessary to her sanity at the park. Sarah realizes Harry has no idea what she’s talking about. Sarah looks back up at Auggie who is looking down at Sarah and not paying attention to the next rung and starts falling through ladder.  

If you’re wondering why I’m speaking about myself in the third person, it’s because all of my time at the park feels very much like an out-of-body experience. If you’re also wondering what any of this has to do with my original all-caps statement of fenced in playgrounds, well let’s take a look at the next scenario.

Situation B: Sarah is relieved that Auggie is safely ensconced at the top of playground platform. Sarah looks down at Harry, only to realize that he has toddled off at an unbelievable clip toward the street.  Sarah runs and hefts his 30 lb. self back to where Auggie is, but discovers that Auggie has run off in another direction.  

On the bright side, I’m definitely getting a workout from all of the lifting and sprinting. Yet, something tells me that the extreme stress that all of this worry causes may not be healthy. I know it has to do with my temperament, but I swear I experience near-heart failure at least once every 10 minutes while we’re climbing up and down the equipment. I’m not suggesting that a fence would allow me to sit and read my nook while the boys run haywire (although wouldn’t that be awesome?), but it would definitely cut down my "park injuries that might require a visit to the ER" list considerably.

And I know you might be thinking, "stop complaining or just stay home."  I would, except my background is a toddler death trap (think dog poop minefields and egress window wells). I might also consider locking us indoors permanently, except we seem to be just as competent at getting injured inside as well.

Ok, so in writing and reviewing this I’ve realized what I want to fund with my nonexistent gazillions: An outdoor fenced in playground that is of reasonable height and that is 100% completely padded and devoid of sand, rocks, wood chips, and/or anything else that Harry might enjoy eating (I’m envisioning those mats they have at toddler gym classes). Also, it would be only be for the 4 and under crowd. And maybe, there would be a latte machine. I’m just thinking out loud now.