Is it over yet?
For the love of all that is spooky, are we done with Halloween?
I know I sound like the Grinch, but I deserve a break. I was the bullseye for some massive projectile vomit yesterday. Now, I know that many moms have been thrown up on by their infants and I feel for them. But I also feel for me because it wasn't the baby that threw up on me; instead, it was a 33 lb two-year-old.
I should have known something was amiss when I heard Auggie crying only an hour into his nap. I went to his door and found him peering pretty pitifully over the gate. (You might recall from a few weeks back that we transitioned to the . This random walking around the room is an unfortunate byproduct of such a switch.)
Me: Go back to bed, Auggie.
Auggie: ehhhhhh (We're still working on actual words.)
Me: Buddy. It's still naptime.
Auggie: ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (much more loudly).
Me: Shhhhhhhhhhhhh (Translation: Don't you dare wake up your brother!!!)
I quickly grabbed Auggie and lifted him out of his room. He looked at me with what I thought was gratitude, as in, thanks for responding to my needs. It's probably anticlimactic to announce that this is the point at which he puked on me. Twice.
In retrospect, I'm thankful that my clothes were doused with whatever it was that came up. It's much easier to throw clothes in the washer and him in the shower than it is to rid a rug of that awful vomit after smell. And if that isn't the perspective of a mom, then I don't know what is. (Oh, just in case you were concerned I did manage to grab a shower as well. We all know that moms sometimes forget and/or are too busy to shower. That however, is not a problem when you're soaked with bile.)
Of course, it's hardly his fault that he had an upset stomach. For that I place the blame squarely on Halloween (and the fact that I might have let him have too much candy). I mean this holiday has been a three day affair so far and we're not even done yet.
It all started on Saturday morning with a pumpkin party at ECFE, or as I refer to it: Halloween Take 1. Picture dozens of toddlers running around, screaming like banshees, and gorging on snacks. We had a great time, despite the fact that my husband looked like he had aged 5 years by the time we left. I think the final food intake was pretty harmless: goldfish and pumpkin bread.
Halloween Take 2 involved our same day post-nap attempt at a Halloween photo. I decided that a bee hive seemed an appropriate metaphor for our lives and dressed everyone as bumblebees. (My brother keeps saying I should have donned a beekeeper ensemble. Sigh.)
Anyhow, the photo session sounded something like this: Bzzzzzzzzzzz. Kidding. It was more like: Max get on the couch Izzy stay Max get on the couch sit Harry stay don't move don't fall oh s$%# Auggie go sit next to Harry don't hit him Max get on the couch Max stop freaking out Auggie I'll give you candy if you sit for a second…Got it! (Yes, that was me bribing my toddler.)
The good news is that I snapped a photo, which I've attached as proof that it actually exists. The bad news is that it's pretty clear Max needs some puppy Prozac pronto. Oh, and in case you're keeping track the updated food intake included several pieces of candy.
The next morning we managed to make it to church before Halloween Take 3 at Amma Maternity. I love Amma with my whole heart and it was super fun to see hordes of babies in their little costumes. My gigantor-sized Irish twin bumblebees may have seemed slightly out of place, but everyone put up with Auggie bumbling up and down the hallway over and over and over and over. In fact, Derek and I were in such good spirits that we decided to extend our outing and have lunch OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE. (No we were not drinking when we made this decision, thank you very much.) Therefore, the final food tally may have included cookies and brownies and Panera's.
Which brings us back to the pukefest. In all fairness, I was a little surprised that Auggie's stomach was so upset. I had just witnessed my 10-month-old wolf down nearly 2 sandwiches while we were out. In fact, I half expected Harry to pop up and puke in solidarity with Auggie, sort of like those awful movie scenes where one person's vomit inspires everyone to let it out. Suffice it to say the rest of Sunday included lots of movies and cuddling and bland foods.
Thankfully, Halloween Take 4 - the actual holiday - was celebrated pretty quietly by us today. Sesame Street and vitaminwater seemed to help bring down Auggie's fever (possible stomach bug = less mom guilt about weekend diet).
All I know is that the boys are both asleep and I still haven't had any trick or treaters. I can't say I'm not relieved (and that the lights aren't on). The last thing I need is for my dogs to go haywire (Max definitely needs Prozac) and wake up the babes while I try to pass off Almond Joys as awesome candy (Derek and I already ate the good stuff, duh).
I'd like to say that I'm going to wake up tomorrow and Halloween will be over for this year, but I'm pretty sure we agreed to dress the babies up in class on Wednesday.
And anyway, someone is going to have to eat all of those Almond Joys.