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Health & Fitness

Birthdayapalooza

Do you think pediatricians laugh at us behind our backs?

I took some time off from blogging because I've been sick. But don't feel bad for me. This past week has been heavenly. Although I was ill with a hacking cough that kept me up half the night for nearly a week, I was able to call in sick and get some much deserved R&R. I took long luxurious bubble baths and napped when I felt tired. My husband made dinner every night and the kids went to sleep after smiling all day long. The dogs even refrained from barking and vomiting.

NOT!

Ha! Not one of these things happened (except for the hacking cough which I treated with box wine and Halls lozenges, and is probably how I ended up hallucinating this la la land).

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Instead, we had birthdayapalooza. Now, I certainly don't want/need to celebrate getting older anymore but after spending nearly a week feting Auggie, I began to feel slightly jealous. 

How come no one takes me to Target to pick out cool toys?

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Where's my special cake with my name on it? Ditto on the birthday banner, party, special day of birthday events, phone calls, cards galore, endless singing…The list goes on and on. (That's not entirely fair. My kind mother-in-law did buy me a DQ ice cream cake this year. However, this could be because I've spent the last four years complaining that Derek has failed to do so and I'm guessing everyone was sick of my whining.)  

But I'm not jealous. Maybe I was just a little burnt out. FROM BEING SICK AND ALL.

Don't worry. I did go to the doctor and he said everything was fine. Oh wait, that wasn't a sick visit for me. Nope.  In the midst of all of this hoopla, we brought poor Harry (remember him? The other child…) to the doctor's office to make sure his nose wasn't broken. That's because someone (not me, but I'm sparing the involved party) allowed him to sit in his new Pottery Barn anywhere chair and then turned away for a second. Anyhow, the poor guy took a literal nose dive onto the new carpet. My dad claimed the rug burn gives him a pugilistic air—think Marlon Brando in On the Waterfront

You may be thinking I'm a bit off for taking him into the doctor's office for a rug burn (that's if you don't already believe I'm certifiably insane). I had to. I literally had to because all of the grandparents and my husband kept asking me whether it still looked swollen, or maybe just a little crooked. Sigh. 

I swear I deserve my own VIP parking spot at the doctor's office. I'm sure I've earned one. I'm also sure that there's a picture of me in the pediatrician's office on their crazy mom wall. We all know they have one. It's for the people who call too often or ask things that sound somewhat off, like "I may have fallen into a pothole walking to my car after a yoga class while wearing Auggie in a carrier and carrying Harry in his bucket seat.  Do you think they have concussions?" I know that the kindly nurse who tolerated this story must have put me on mute and laughed out loud before responding to my ridiculous query. I will admit that I never went back to yoga after that. Bad karma and all that.

But I digress.

We did have a great time celebrating Auggie turning 2. He's a very lucky boy to have been able to spend the weekend with all of his grandparents. And we are very fortunate to have so many friends that came over to support us. They didn't even criticize someone's decision (Derek) to play Cars on an endless loop on the television in the background.

By the way, did anyone read that new study on how children shouldn't watch any television at all before they turn 2? Oops. Too late.

But I digress.

The good news is that I'm feeling better and no longer staying up all night because I'm physically sick. Now I can just go back to blaming the DVR. The bad news is that at his two year checkup today the doctor thought that Auggie may have a topical strep infection. Awesome.

Oh, and I managed to have the doctor take a look at what I thought was a stretch mark on Harry due to his rotundness. Turns out it's just a birthmark. Take that crazy mom wall!

Do think anybody would notice if I just put up my own parking sign at the doctor's office when we head back there on Thursday for flu shots?

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