When Harry was just a few weeks old, a shy yet well-intentioned former high school classmate came over with her baby to catch up.
I'm not sure if it was Auggie's maniacal obsession with running in circles (the boys are 14 months apart), the dogs' incessant barking (yup there's two of them), or the fact that I was trying to nurse the baby while blabbing away to keep the conversation going that caused her to blurt out:
"How are you not curled up in the corner in the fetal position with a bottle of gin?"
I think at the time, I smiled demurely and said something inane like "Oh, it's fine. We manage."
Due to the events of the last 24 hours, I'd like to officially change my response to the following: "Because I prefer box wine?!"
Let's rewind. Currently, the boys are officially in bed after bath #2 of the day. The second bath is the result of the fun we had at our friend's second birthday party this afternoon. It would have been easy enough to wipe away the chocolate cake remains thanks to their caveman-like eating habits, but the fact that Auggie had leaves in his diaper from our post-party poopy wrestling match meant that they had to hit the tub.
Now any mom will tell you that epic poops don't happen every day. The laws of motherhood dictate that they only happen after you've forgotten the last one (just like childbirth) otherwise you would be unlikely to ever change your child's diaper again. Note to self: forget about today's poop on face.
What went down with Auggie however, does not constitute epic poop. Instead, today's award goes to (drumroll, please) Harry. This is because I ended up with poop on my face. That, my friends, is epic, and is due to the fact that Harry had been bouncing up and down in a pile of poop when he should have been sleeping. I found that out when I went in to sniff his diaper and ended up smearing my face in what had exploded up his back. Awesome.
If you read my first blog post, you might be thinking that I was really stressed out at this point because they were not asleep (and because I was missing John Black's arrest). Well, they weren't asleep because both were wound up from our post MyGym jaunt to Lowe's Home Improvement Store. I had volunteered to pick up some more supplies for our basement disaster (oops, I meant remodel) because my husband was totally worn out.
We were in and out of the store in 10 minutes, yet Harry ended up leaving the premises without any clothes on and I lost my wallet (okay, I found said wallet in the stroller after taking the double Bob in and out of the car no less than 5 times and thank you, that is my weight training workout for the week).
I'm sure the workers at Lowe's were really concerned about the crazy woman who kept running in and out of the store shouting about a missing wallet. (It also just occurred to me that you might be concerned about Harry's lack of wardrobe. Let's just say that a juice box went awry right before he spit up his morning snack.) But you've got to cut me some slack. I was exhausted due to our trip to the emergency room the night before.
Yup. Auggie shoved peas up his nose at dinner last night. I really tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. I gently enquired as to whether he had put them up there and he shook his head no. However, the kind emergency room doctor informed me that it was pretty impossible for a 2-year-old to snarf out an intact pea. Much less two intact peas.
So we spent two hours waiting for them to shine some crazy tube light up his nose. All to find out that there were no peas left to sneeze out.
#1. Be careful making dinner. There are lot of people in the ER with kitchen injuries.
#2. Watch out for foreign objects in baby's mouth and up todder's orifices.
#3. Keep unlimited supply of box wine in the house at all times.